My Mother
My mother is raising a little girl on her own, going to school, working at a part-time job, and lives a hundred miles away from me. So you could probably imagine how hard it was to plan a time to do the interview. My mom hates interviews, but she knew it meant something to me, and it was for school so she agreed.
She sat down and I asked her the first question. "What person or thing has influenced your life the most?" She was quiet for a second and I could tell she was thinking. Then she said, "Well, I know it definitely wasn't my mother!" We both laughed, knowing her mother, my grandmother, to not be the easiest person to like. She said her influence in life started after she had her kids. "You kids inspired me to do good and become something." My brother Ricky and myself have always been extremely close to our mom. Maybe not always physically close but mentally and emotionally. Even now that we don't live with her and we don't see her everyday she still knows when something is wrong. It is almost like she can sense it and she calls.
I moved on to the next question, "What were you like in High School?" I asked. "Oh geez…..Oh boy," she exclaimed, then went on, "I was wild BUT I got good grades at the same time. It was a time where the bad things were becoming popular with highschoolers, like the drinking and drugs. I was a partier." Knowing how my own school is with clicks and judging people I asked, "Were you popular?" She laughed. "Extremely. I had friends in every type of click. The cheerleaders, the jocks, the nerds, and the partiers and they were my favorite." She told me how she was outgoing, outspoken, and fun. She was confident, she was in plays. She played the grandma in "Hansel and Gretel" for her school play. She loved sports and played volleyball for the school team. I think she was the exact opposite then, of me now. She was like all the girls I don't like in high school so I guess it's a good thing she's my mother and not the girl I sit next to in Chemistry who copies off me.
"What are your future goals?" I asked. "Well, I would like to find out what I'm gonna be when I grow up," she said laughing. My mom is back in school now part time at Monterey Peninsula College. " I would like to be completely independent, self-sufficient, and to see my grandchildren. I would like to be a grandmother," she said. Then she told me that she didn't want to be a grandmother for a few years, warning me as if I were about to go out and have kids. I would love to see my mom as a grandmother. She would be the type of grandma who would always have a piece of candy for you in the bottom of her purse.
I moved on to the next question. "Where do you see your kids in ten years?" She went on to list us, "Ricky, I hope to see Ricky in a career of choice making a good living, and happy. Jana, I see you successful, happy, and able to take care of yourself. Mariah will only be 13 so I hope she is healthy, happy and on the right track. I hope all you kids will be happy and I hope you all chase your dreams and live life to the fullest."
"Do you have any regrets?" The five simple words that made up one simple sentence, and yet somehow, I feared that simple sentence. I feared what exactly it would unveil. The things I knew, she knew, but we never discussed. I always thought that the past was called the past for a reason. It is over and done with. That no matter how hard you tried or how bad you wanted to go back to do it over, there would never be a time machine. Everything happens for a reason and what is done is done. I love my mom more than anything, more than life, and nothing she ever did or could do would ever change that. I could never love her less, only more.
I thought that by not talking about the past, it would be like it never happened, that the years I spent away from my mom were just a dream, a vision. But I asked her the question anyway, and I am glad I did. I never knew how she felt about the time my brother and I had to go live with my dad. Talking about it with my mom made me realize that it is okay to regret things but to move on. I may regret not having those times with my mom, but now I only look forward to the years ahead that I can spend with her. When I asked the question and she told me that losing Ricky was her biggest regret, she apologized and I told her not to because I didn't regret what happened. She said she wished she could have been there, but to me, she was there, the whole time. I just couldn't see her. I don't know if she remembers, but a long time ago she gave me a little silver box with a purple flower on it and a note attached to it that said:
This is a very special gift that you can never see. The reason it's so special is it's just for you from me. Whenever you are lonely or even feeling blue, you only have to hold this and know I think of you. You never can unwrap it; please leave the ribbon tied. Just hold the box close to your heart. It's filled with love inside.
I kept that little box by the side of my bed and I still have it, but it is put away for now. I don't need it. My mom is my best friend and my mom is just a phone call away.
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-by Jana Firebaugh, elder daughter of Liesa