As it states in L. Steven Zwerling's "First-Generation Students: Confronting the Cultural Issues":
Going to college can be an eventful point of departure, one that both prompts and hastens movement into some "other" culture. When this occurs, powerful social and personal dramas are played out, for cultural membership helps define who we are in the yes of others as well as ourselves, and it does so in the most elemental ways. Indeed, every student making such a transition whom I have interviewed during the past several years has reported having to renegotiate relations with family members, friends, and in a fundamental sense, with themselves. These negotiations are not always accomplished easily or with a happy ending, for such passages inevitably call into question the very meaning of allegiance and love, over which people can intensely disagree. Thus, upward mobility can produce a discontinuity that arouse feelings of loss, conflict, and disloyalty, as well as of discovery, reconciliation, and joy" (Stierlin 1974).
This quote clearly demonstrates how the mentality and ideas of first generation college students change, and how this becomes a transformation between "culture and history." College environment affects their relationships with family and community members and challenges seem to be with renegotiating these relationships. When first generation students combine their culture and history with their academic studies they feel isolated from their roots and family. Many of the students we interviewed felt pain in the beginning of their freshman year and later learned how to renegotiate with their families; most of these were the women first generation students. Milagros Perez demonstrates how her new lens and perspective was a struggle with her mother. We interviewed Milagros Perez, a Latina student at Cal State University, Monterey Bay and in the interview Perez was asked the following question: "Do you feel comfortable to confront people on campus, friends, or even your family?"
I had an issue even with my family on Proposition 22. I basically, I remember my mom went into my room and she looked at the hmm at the voters' guide booklet and she saw the Proposition 22 and she said, " Ha Millie you are going to vote no on it?". . . No, I mean "yes"? And I was like, " No mom, I am not. I am going to vote no." She goes, " Why?" My mom just totally went off on me. She said, " You know Millie I didn't brought you up this way. I guess I have not done my role as a mother. Raising you up."... I am like, "Mom, it does not have to do with the way you raised me. Its just this is what I feel. This does not affect me. But I just think that other people should have the same right as we do." And it was funny because my mom was just in shock. She was like what. She was basically telling me, "What are they teaching you in school... I guess I did not raise you the right way." And I was like, "Mom," 'Cause, you know since we are Catholic, that is against our religion...I think also that the school has taught us that it is not wrong to think beyond those boundaries that sometimes you have...And I know she left to bed enojada [upset]. And um I am a very sentimental person. And just her reaction of what when I was telling her that I was going to vote no, it made me feel very bad and I started crying. And um, I remember my mom asking me, me dice, "Millie, why do react like that?" Y le dije [And I told her], "Mom its because I can now understand those people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, when they go and come out of the closet how hard it is for them. Because I think about it now, what if I would have been a lesbian or bisexual and I had to come and tell you, you would not have accepted me. You know how hard it would have been for me" ... And she kind of did not tell me she would accept me. But she did not tell me if you were a lesbian I would accept you...If you were the worst person in the whole entire world and if you were to rob a bank you would still be my daughter and I would still love you. You know. But, we just left it there. The elections got here and she never asked me, did you vote yes or did you vote no. We never touched the subject again...I think that this was one of the issues I had confronted with my family that you know has been going on here on campus you know.
The interviews showed a struggle with the women students more so than the men. In our interviews the women received more pressure from their mothers and families. Another example of how college can change the lives of first generation college students is portrayed in the story of a feminist and Visual Performing Arts major, Mireya Albarran. She expressed how college has strengthened her capacity to re-connect with her family and community, yet transitioning the two relationships - college and family - can be painful.
It's probably isolated me from my family but not from my community. Umm I feel like I am stronger here. For my family it's isolated me a lot and it's also very painful. I don't agree with a lot of stuff that was implanted in me but at the same time I have to understand that's their way of knowing and I am learning something different. I don't know I have to work on that; I don't know what to do with it...When I still at home my mom wanted me to go to college she did not know what that meant. Now, that I go back home she ask when are you going to come back home and live with us and I don't want to anymore. Here everyone has pushed me. Like pushing me to further my education to get a masters and someday a Ph.D. feel safer here because no one is holding me back. Like at home, I feel my mom still wants to keep me in her nest and I want to FLY!
Perez and Albarran both had to confront their families in order to defend their new beliefs, goals, and ways of thinking. Looking back two years ago and now, as juniors, these women had a conscious awakening about their culture and how it related to their new perspectives. Their academic development has expanded their horizons, increased their panoramas, their ways of thinking, and ways they perceived life. This was a transformation of pain and joy because they had to renegotiate their relationships at home. They have new lenses in which they view the world.
Even though the women were affected by their cultural beliefs, the men seem to be aware of how gender can play a role also. Pedro Gonzalez expressed that life is quite different for him within his culture than it is for his sister. Mexican parents, he expressed, can be strict when comes to their hijas [daughters / girls]. Parents tend to worry about life away from home. When asked if his experience at college will benefit his sister, he responded:
Mexican parents are not like that when if comes to their daughter. We as men we have it a little easier but when it comes to their daughters " Es mi hija," [my little girl] they worry when I don't go home or when I don't call every other week. I am pretty sure they will be calling her whenever they get a chance telling her to call whenever she gets a chance. So we will see how that goes. I think they still support her. As parents it hurts them a lot to see their sons or daughters go away to college.
Indeed, gender can influence the amount of pressure a woman feels within her culture and community. All of the women had to renegotiate relationships and Milagros Perez reaffirms this belief.
I go home every weekend. The reason is because my mom expects me to go home every weekend. And I have not been able to break that boundary.... I am working on it still, but its just that, I am the oldest one in my family, the first one to go to college, and hum, I could understand my mom how hard it is for her to let me go...So my mom she is a great mother, it's just that sometimes it is hard for her. And sometimes again I, discutimos [argue] when you know mom you are wrong and stuff like that. And its because she wants me on weekends over there. The reason I do it is because you know she is my mother and I love her and I am not always going to have her there with me. And mientras que yo la pueda aprovechar [and as long as I can take advantage] why not, make a little effort for it. And hum, porque enveces si es dificil. [because sometimes it is difficult] It's not going to hurt me too long.
Perez understands that by going home on weekends she is keeping her mother happy. This was Milagros's way of renegotiating with her mother. She is aware of her culture differences and seems to keep a handle on balancing both college and her culture. She also expresses the difficulties in doing so but feels it will pay off in the end for her sister.
It's hard, because I don't see my sister going through what I went through,
because yo ya le estoy moldando el molde, me entiendes. [I am molding the mold for her, you understand].... When my sister leaves to college, as it was with me. You know, I am more let's say, the experiment one you know. And also, I know that my sister is not going to go through what I went through, you know the process of hum, the requirements in college. So she has me, I already know the process.
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